tarpon
Specimen / Bronze
WORK IS DO I ALL..
Posts: 61
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Jokes
Aug 31, 2004 13:24:31 GMT -5
Post by tarpon on Aug 31, 2004 13:24:31 GMT -5
joke
A man said to his wife you have three choices! you can come fishing with me and the dog, give me oral sex give me anal sex! the wife replied give me some time to think about it, so the husband said he would go to the shed to get his fishing tackle ready! 20 minutes later he returned and asked his wife for her decision so she decided to give him oral sex, she sank to her knees and started to give him oral, she suddenly stopped looked up to her husband and said it tasted like s**t!! to which the husband replied,, the dog didn't want to go fishing either!!!!!!!
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tarpon
Specimen / Bronze
WORK IS DO I ALL..
Posts: 61
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Jokes
Sept 26, 2004 12:54:57 GMT -5
Post by tarpon on Sept 26, 2004 12:54:57 GMT -5
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out: "Watch that wall!" ;D ;D
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tarpon
Specimen / Bronze
WORK IS DO I ALL..
Posts: 61
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Jokes
Sept 26, 2004 12:56:42 GMT -5
Post by tarpon on Sept 26, 2004 12:56:42 GMT -5
Factory workers
Two factory workers were talking....
"I think I'll take some time off from work." said the man.
"How do you think you'll do that?" said the blonde.
He proceeded to show her ... by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing?
"I'm a light bulb", answered the guy.
"I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory.
The blonde began walking out too. The boss asked her where did she think she was going?
The blonde answered, "Home........... I can't work in the dark!" ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Jokes
Sept 26, 2004 14:36:45 GMT -5
Post by linebites on Sept 26, 2004 14:36:45 GMT -5
A man left work on Friday afternoon, but instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade of his actions.
Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and said to him. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied, "That would be fine with me." Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
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Jokes
Sept 26, 2004 14:37:57 GMT -5
Post by linebites on Sept 26, 2004 14:37:57 GMT -5
A woman goes to the doctor's office. "Doc, I've got a strange problem I need your opinion on." "Could you describe the symptoms to me?" he asked. "Well, it's easier if I show you," she said and, standing up, proceeded to undress. When she was down to her underwear, she sat on the edge of the examining table and spread her legs to reveal two small green circles on her inner thighs. "They don't hurt or anything, but I was a little worried about them." The doctor peered closely at the two circles and said, "Are you a lesbian, by any chance?" he asked. Embarrassed, she replied, "Well, yes, I am actually. Why do you ask?" "Well," said the doctor, "I'm afraid you'll have to tell your girlfriend that her earrings aren't real gold."
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Jokes
Sept 26, 2004 14:38:32 GMT -5
Post by linebites on Sept 26, 2004 14:38:32 GMT -5
A man takes a pair of underwear out his dresser, and is surprised to see a "cloud" of dust appear. As he shakes out his underwear, he calls to his wife, "Honey, why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?" The wife replies, "It's not talcum powder. It's Miracle Grow."
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Jokes
Sept 26, 2004 14:39:04 GMT -5
Post by linebites on Sept 26, 2004 14:39:04 GMT -5
Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? A: Pregnant with twins.
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tarpon
Specimen / Bronze
WORK IS DO I ALL..
Posts: 61
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Jokes
Sept 27, 2004 10:15:03 GMT -5
Post by tarpon on Sept 27, 2004 10:15:03 GMT -5
A woman goes to the doctor's office. "Doc, I've got a strange problem I need your opinion on." "Could you describe the symptoms to me?" he asked. "Well, it's easier if I show you," she said and, standing up, proceeded to undress. When she was down to her underwear, she sat on the edge of the examining table and spread her legs to reveal two small green circles on her inner thighs. "They don't hurt or anything, but I was a little worried about them." The doctor peered closely at the two circles and said, "Are you a lesbian, by any chance?" he asked. Embarrassed, she replied, "Well, yes, I am actually. Why do you ask?" "Well," said the doctor, "I'm afraid you'll have to tell your girlfriend that her earrings aren't real gold." That one made me laugh a bit to much,Nealy peed my pants ;D
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Jokes
Sept 27, 2004 14:31:41 GMT -5
Post by linebites on Sept 27, 2004 14:31:41 GMT -5
Glad you liked the joke , i have a few more to post up aswell just got to sort them out. ;D
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tarpon
Specimen / Bronze
WORK IS DO I ALL..
Posts: 61
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Jokes
Sept 28, 2004 10:34:36 GMT -5
Post by tarpon on Sept 28, 2004 10:34:36 GMT -5
A man went hunting and a shot a deer, deciding to take it home and cook some of it for dinner. Whilst he is skinning and gutting the deer he remembers his kids favourite animal is Bambi, and realises if he tells them what it is they won't eat it. All the time he is preparing the dinner the kids are asking him what they are having, and he keeps telling them "it's a surprise". When they sit down at the table his daughter starts asking again and the man has to think of how to give them a clue without giving away that it's deer meat. "Let me think" says the dad, "sometimes mum calls me this this word". "Don't eat it Jimmy", screams the daughter to her little brother, "it's a f****** arsehole!!!!!!!!! ;D
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Jokes
Oct 6, 2004 13:42:17 GMT -5
Post by linebites on Oct 6, 2004 13:42:17 GMT -5
A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun. They just don't remember with whom.
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Jokes
Oct 6, 2004 13:43:29 GMT -5
Post by linebites on Oct 6, 2004 13:43:29 GMT -5
HEADACHES
A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything without success. One day, she was having lunch with a friend who referred her to a hypnotist who, according to her friend "works wonders on anything." The woman comes home from the hypnotist and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache. I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone." The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful." His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move. I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!
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Jokes
Oct 6, 2004 13:44:12 GMT -5
Post by linebites on Oct 6, 2004 13:44:12 GMT -5
A doctor recently had a patient drop in on him for an unscheduled appointment. "What can I do for you today?" the doctor asked. The older gentleman replied, "Doctor, you must help me. Every time I make love to my wife, my eyes get all bleary, my legs go weak, and I can hardly catch my breath. Doc, I'm scared!" The doctor, looking at his 86-year-old patient, said, "These sensations tend to happen over time, especially to a man of your advanced years, but tell me, when did you first notice these symptoms?" The old guy's response was, "Well, three times last night, and twice again this morning!"
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Jokes
Oct 6, 2004 13:45:05 GMT -5
Post by linebites on Oct 6, 2004 13:45:05 GMT -5
"The thrill is gone from my marriage," Bill told his friend Doug. Doug suggests, "Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?" "But what if my wife finds out?" asks Bill. "Heck, this is a new age we live in, Bill. Go ahead and tell her about it!" said Doug. So Bill went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together." "Forget it," said his wife. "I've tried that—it didn't work."
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tarpon
Specimen / Bronze
WORK IS DO I ALL..
Posts: 61
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Jokes
Oct 10, 2004 2:38:37 GMT -5
Post by tarpon on Oct 10, 2004 2:38:37 GMT -5
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