|
Jokes
Oct 20, 2004 17:32:22 GMT -5
Post by Camo on Oct 20, 2004 17:32:22 GMT -5
One day a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went fishing.
|
|
rocket
Specimen / Bronze
dont knock it till you've tried it.
Posts: 90
|
Jokes
Oct 21, 2004 10:29:23 GMT -5
Post by rocket on Oct 21, 2004 10:29:23 GMT -5
Man goes home with a duck under his arm and stands in front of his wife and says
"thats the pig ive been shagging" the wife says
"but its a duck" man says
"i was talking to the duck"
|
|
|
Jokes
Oct 24, 2004 9:20:42 GMT -5
Post by Old Codger on Oct 24, 2004 9:20:42 GMT -5
not a joke but funny nonetheless:- saw a car sticker that read, 'I would rather be an Old Fart than a young D***head' OC. < it seems that this board wont let me post the shortened version of Richard it keeps putting 'thingy' instead!! >
|
|
|
Jokes
Jan 17, 2005 11:41:31 GMT -5
Post by Camo on Jan 17, 2005 11:41:31 GMT -5
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg gets invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem.
A few days later he receives a parcel with a note.
'Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate'.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a really rude letter of complaint.
A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note which says 'Dear Sir, sorry about before, please find enclosed a monks habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part'.
Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head and he writes the company a really rude letter of complaint.
The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads 'Dear Sir, please find enclosed a tin of treacle. Pour the tin of treacle over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple -
|
|
|
Jokes
Jan 29, 2005 9:11:15 GMT -5
Post by Camo on Jan 29, 2005 9:11:15 GMT -5
It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail
through all kinds of weather to the same villages and towns.
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way >with a gift cheque for £50.
At the second house they presented him an 18-carat gold watch.
The folks at the third house handed him a bottle of 15-year old Scotch whisky.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a dumb blonde in her lingerie.
She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she >blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the dumb blonde fixed him a full George Best breakfast: Bacon, Eggs, Sausage & Tomato with freshly-squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she
was pouring, he noticed a £5 note sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the five >quid for?"
"Well," said the dumb blonde, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you." > "I asked him what to give you."
He said, "F*ck him. Give him a fiver."
She smiled shyly and said, "The breakfast was my idea."
|
|
|
Jokes
Jan 29, 2005 16:00:23 GMT -5
Post by linebites on Jan 29, 2005 16:00:23 GMT -5
i like it
|
|
rocket
Specimen / Bronze
dont knock it till you've tried it.
Posts: 90
|
Jokes
Feb 1, 2005 11:52:00 GMT -5
Post by rocket on Feb 1, 2005 11:52:00 GMT -5
This bloke walks into his local pub and sits next to his mate, "alright john hows it goin" john says" f**kin brilliant m8, you'll never guess what happened to me last night" "no go on john what" well he says" on the way home i went over the level crossing as normal and blow me theres this bird tide to the tracks. So i cut her loose and carried her home.I cleaned her up a bit and then we had the best sex i've ever had, we done it in the hallway, on the kitchen table in the front room on the stairs and we did it all night long". His mate says" bloody hell john that sounds fantastic is she a good looker as well". john says "dunno m8 i aint found her head yet".
|
|
|
Jokes
Feb 4, 2005 2:09:29 GMT -5
Post by linebites on Feb 4, 2005 2:09:29 GMT -5
i like this aswell
|
|